Why does the target of sexual assault carry more of the shame than the rapist? Why? Because with sexual assault the shame gets all mixed up with the blame. Why was I targeted? Did I do something, say something, or wear something that made me prey?. Afterwards, we are always looking for a reason. Why me? And if I made me the target, then don’t I have some of the blame?
Parents, I believe this is how the blame gets moved around on children and others. In sexual assault, the shame and the blame are interlinked. Parents need to help child understand, not their blame, not their shame. Please, once a child feels the shame, the blame and silence will follow. I know, I was that kid.
When a children adds the sense of blame with the overwhelming dirty shame of being sexually assault. A child goes silence, almost every time. Please help when a child goes suddenly silent. Sexual assault makes us feel dirty on the inside, and society makes us feel dirty on the outside. It’s a horrible trap, and it can be intersected. First, parents and family need to understand the shame and disconnect the blame. There is nothing a person, and NEVER EVER anything a child does to “deserve” to be raped. Nothing! Make this clear. Help your children understand. BEGIN to disconnect the blame and shame before they are trapped in it.
Prevent some creep from shoving your child into an unhealthy sexual situation. Please notice when your child is suddenly cloaked in silence and shame. They may even feel some of the blame. Give children the words. Give children a clear understanding of healthy physical boundaries. Keep your child away from the hidden hell of sexual assault. Open the ugly truth and solve the problems with me. Together we can build a stronger tomorrow by giving everyone an abuse free childhood today. It’s a wonderful beginning, don’t you think?
Thank you again for letting me share.
Cheers,
Renee -
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Hope says: Renee, Thanks again. Shame is a terrible silencer. For all victims of assault. I could only tell small insignificant things...I avoided telling the whole truth even as a child. My childhood abuser called today to offer his assistance. I am angry because he is the one that taught me to be silent. He held my head under water until I quite kicking, he shamed and beat me silence...and when my rapist did the same I lived what I had learned.
ReplyDeleteYes, Hope everyone teaches us silence and shame. How can we solve this problem when we don't look at the full ugly truth? We can't.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a child one in three kids were sexually assaulted by someone they know. And today, the same. We need to change this.
And you bring up another major point I have always wondered about. The target of another rapist later on. When we are sexually assaulted young, we almost always have one or more other rapists in our future. Nearly 100% from what I have found so far. I am the only female I have found that was not raped later by another. But I was chased, a lot. What is up with that? Do they zone in on us somehow?
Hope, I know how hard it is to stand up and hold your ground over and over again. But you are doing the right thing. You just keep saying the absolute truth. I believe the truth will set us free and help us heal.
When you need me, please shoot me a private email from my profile on this blog. OK?
Stay strong, loud, and heal my friend.
Cheers,
Renee
Hope says: I am a statistic. I was abused as child and raped as an adult. I believe with all my heart that the silence I learned as a child silenced me during the rape. I believe ANY woman can be a target. I do believe that he targeted me because he knew I would not tell. I do know now that he went from room to room assuring my boys were asleep. He said so on the stand. He also stated that he "thought about taking us both out" three months after the rape. I was brainwashed by my church to be silent as well. If I said I disagreed I was told that I was questioning authority. And I learned that "love covers a multitude of sin" I had no idea that I had inapropriately applied those scriptures to further my silence. I did not know how to protect myself. I know all the safety tips. Yet,the fact that a 16 year old could commit such a heinous crime in my own home...And to think, my husband I trusted him. I was silent. And daily I am silent as I listen to the parade of lies flaughnted before us...thank you for giving me a voice here. I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteHope always has a voice here. Always.
ReplyDeleteThe truth does set us free. And the truth can't come out in silence. I am breaking mine, you are breaking yours. There is hope.
Stay strong and heal my friend. You are doing great, and are amazingly brave.
I am proud of you.
Cheers,
Renee
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